Thank you, Dr. Maya Angelou

Dr. Maya Angelou’s death was meant for me.

For the first time in months, I was so heavy with sadness that I ached. I felt all my life consisted of were failed attempts at happiness. That all the paths I’ve tried to build led nowhere, and I had nothing I could even think of growing into something great. I was stagnant. It was hitting me, and it hurt.

I was told I was talented in art, writing, and cooking… But I was realizing yesterday that it wasn’t going anywhere. It never seemed to be going anywhere, and it frustrated me. After feeling worthless all day yesterday and wondering why God made me to exist in vain, I got a sharp slap this morning.

Maya Angelou is no longer with us. 

And even though I would research her and think about her occasionally, she has shoved her presence into my life at the most needed time.

She died the day after my darkest fall in months.

She did so to tell me to “Wake up, Phenomenal Woman! You live in your truth, and you know it is one that belongs to a Queen such as yourself.”

If I want to speak a second language, I’ve got to study harder. If I want to do something with my writing, then I must write everyday with purpose.

Maya Angelou has spoken to me in an even quieter way than pen flowing over paper— but just as powerful, mind you: she spoke to me in spirit.

Happiness is in Overlooked Shadows

I started finding beauty in everything this morning at 5:30am while eating steak and BBQ chips. 

I had taken a nap, overslept, and was too alert to sleep. But within those quiet hours I saw everything as something to be excited about and grateful for. 

Google Map made a Pokémon map with catchable Pokémon, and I was grateful for a phone that allowed me to enjoy that little treat. 

I was up during a five-episode Space Ghost Coast to Coast marathon, which I loved. 

I let my mind wonder, and thought of the possibility that someone out there does like me, and for once I'd like them too.

It's not a top priority, but there's some (realistic, I might add) hope that things will turn out soon enough in the love department. 

Sometimes I long for so much, and try to just reminisce without becoming bitter and/or frustrated...  

But some days it can be easier said than done.

Now though, I can think about seeing the love for me in someone else's eyes without laughing at the thought. 

I can truly believe that someday I'll be able to make someone my muse again; so filled with love that I begin to ache, and can do nothing about it but write it out. 

I miss those days, but I'm grateful that my heavy heart aches with a purpose and no longer is considered a weak burden of mine.

So in celebration of having this content calmness wash over me, I've decided to take on the 100 Happy Days Challenge.

This challenge found here wants you to find at least ONE thing that made you happy that day, for 100 days. You can make it as private or public as you want (tagging, written, pictures, etc). The site also lists positive benefits from doing this challenge.

To me, you become more aware of your blessings when you've begun to look for them more consistently. And it is said you can develop a new habit if you practice it at least 21 days in a row?

Make the ability to find happiness a habit.

Happy Blessing No. 1: Soft strawberry banana jello for dessert.