TMI Tag for a BLOG RELAUNCH + REVAMP

Hello, lovely readers! I'm hopefully back from my long hiatus for as long as I can bring content to the table. School's out, and I've drawn-out some new plans for my virtual life:

• THIS blog will strictly hold lifestyle posts. Everything from favorite makeup and snacks, to recipes I try,  to treasures I find in my life and/or in my city.
• THIS blog is my newest blog. It'll house all my art and writings. I'll collect everything I can into one space, including haikus not posted to my Instagram. I'll even dig back into the archives of old Tumblr posts and the writings I've sprawled on the sides of notebooks, or on my phone's note app.
• Coming soon will be a link to the website I built that houses all the links and "about me" content you'll ever need. It'll be the main hub to navigate all my sites.

Now I know it's been awhile since I've told you guys any type of basics about myself, so here's half of the TMI tag!

1: What are you wearing? PJs currently... Getting ish DONE.

2: Ever been in love? Yeah, I have in the past.

3: Ever had a terrible breakup? Hmm, nothing too dramatic. All exes except one has made some type of neutral contact with me.

4: How tall are you? 5'1

5: How much do you weigh? About 120 lbs

6: Any tattoos? Just one along my side, but I definitely am ready for more!

7: Any piercings? Yup! Eight currently: both lobes stretched to 9/16ths (14mm), secondary lobe piercing in my right ear, a helix and conch piercing in my left ear, navel piercing, tongue web piercing, septum hole (need to get jewelry to put in it again), and a nostril piercing.

8: OTP (One True Pairing): Ahaha... I dunno!

9: Favorite show: Regular Show, Parks and Recreation, Bob's Burgers, BoJack Horseman, Hey Arnold, Regular Show, Amazing World of Gumball, Rocket Power, Rugrats, and Breaking Bad.

10: Favorite bands: White Rabbits, Vampire Weekend, Modest Mouse, and Two Door Cinnema Club... off the top of my head.

11: Something you miss: Summer days.

12: Favorite song: Currently? Still Winner's I'm Him, and Exo's Overdose. Both kpop songs.

13: How old are you? 23

14: Zodiac sign: Leo

15: Quality you look for in a partner: humble

16: Favorite Quote: "The bird that would soar above the level plain of tradition and prejudice must have strong wings. It is a sad spectacle to see the weaklings bruised, exhausted, fluttering back to earth." - Kate Chopin, The Awakening (The first book I read that opened my eyes to the trials of being yourself and going against the grain of society)

17: Favorite actor: Um. Let's say Adrien Brody (I automatically thought of The Pianist)

18: Favorite color: black, charcoal grey, and oatmeal

19: Loud music or soft? Loud music, always.

20: Where do you go when you're sad? I'm usually confined to a notebook or keyboard when I'm sad.

21: How long does it take you to shower? About 15 minutes.

22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? I'd say two hours, because it takes me a good 45 minutes just to get my motor movement going at a normal pace. Haha!

23: Ever been in a physical fight? Nope!

24: Turn on: Attentiveness

25: Turn off: Boastfulness

As I said, this is only half! The other half can be found on my newest blog, The Glass Noodle! It'll be the introduction to that blog's existence. Enjoy and please feel free to leave feedback!

See you soon and Happy New Year!

Asexual Awareness Week!

It's the last day of Asexual Awareness Week and it's been bothering me that I've been shouting it out everywhere and writing posts on all things social media... Except my blog!

Shame. On. Me.

Especially since I identify myself as a heteromantic asexual.

Now, thee most vaguest definition of an asexual, is lacking sexual attraction. Asexuality is on a spectrum, so there are all kinds and types. Some are sex-repulsed, others enjoy sex; some have a high libido, others don't; some experience romantic attraction, others don't... The list of "one and the other", and everything in-between is extremely great within the asexual community.

I'm honestly trying so hard to give at least some background for you to read, but I did some searching through other people's posts and found this WONDERFUL comic that covers practically every assumption that's made about asexuals.

Made by adriofthedead.tumblr.com

If I weren't at a quiet location on campus, I would've clapped for every panel in this comic; you can find it here!

But it was such a relief when I realized there was a name for what I was. I've been like this my entire life and felt out-of-the-loop. I didn't try to change, but I knew I wasn't apart of the majority. I brought it up on Tumblr, and so many people told me I was asexual.

I looked into it, and seeing a whole community of people who ALSO loved kissing and cuddling and being held... and had no interest in anything else, was so reassuring. Looking into it deeper, I related to all of these points brought up above.

We will not be erased, I want to help spread awareness so others can find comfort in who they are too.

If you have any questions about asexuality after reading the great comic linked above, please don't hesitate to leave a comment in the comment section. Or leave me anything on my other social media!!

3:46am

I wish for the best, but is it sad that I'm wishing it for myself?

Is it any worse that I admire so many people's writing style and blogging designs so much that I ache?

I don't even know where to start... to make myself proud of what I post. I almost never am proud of my blog writings, and it drives me mad.

What to do what to do? Maybe I need to find a different approach.

Whatever it is, I need to work on it until it's fixed, because this dissatisfaction will ALWAYS loom over me until I smile after pressing "publish".

Living Life

Source: Tumblr

I'm a pretty simple person:

I just want to be loved, get and give great hugs, eat delicious food, and be surrounded by good company and energy.

Unfortunately, Life doesn't always have these same pleasures in mind.

Life is a manifestation of the good and bad. Sometimes we'll experience sadness so painful that it becomes physically hard to breathe, and you wonder if it's worth living through such heightened agony. Other times you will feel so intoxicated with happiness and light that you'll wonder if you'll ever touch the ground again.

But Life was meant for you to feel it all. You're strong. Our hearts are resilient-- just look at how far you've come.

Feel it all, and know that: time passes, hearts heal, and love is loyal as long as you look for it (within yourself and your passions) and hold it close.

Life's highs never last, but it doesn't mean you're living a bad Life. It just means you're living. Make the best of it and know that the heavy times will eventually pass. You were built to overcome.

Source: Tumblr

NOT a Spoiler. Just a Truth.

I was watching Orange is the New Black and although Piper can annoy me, she said something real:

"I miss human contact." And she started to tear up.

I can 100% relate. I’ve been on campus and felt so low and dark when all I needed was a hug or my hand to be held.

Being a commuter means you always have that feeling of being an outsider. And I’d feel that, and more.

Humans need contact. They can’t live without it. It almost drove me insane… I can relate the NEED to be touched. Not sexually… Just civilly.

We are love-encompassed beings after all.

Protect Your Heart with Love

Source: Tumblr

Sure, I love. But I never get my hopes up for love to go right for me, and that saves me TONS of heartache. You can love without being IN love.

Don't block a blessed thing by assuming the worst. But if you haven't developed a concrete mutuality for each other, protect your heart. Don't jump into a body of water without getting a feel for how deep it is first.

Wouldn't want to drown, would you? I'd assume you wouldn't want to become bitter and spiteful when the beginning of interest in someone never ever seems goes right, either.

Try to let your head lead your heart until there is a reason to let your vulnerability fall into place.

Love-- always keep your heart open and giving. But be smart about who you hand it to and how soon.

My Dating Habits Are Unapologetic

I'm not going to say "all guys suck and all the good ones are nonexistent!" Because that's a lie. There are good guys-- I've seen them. The good ones that have been brave enough to approach me just have never been ones I've LIKED liked (and I'm very, very sorry to my friends because I love you guys, just not in that way. Thank you for being respectful). And no matter how much you twist someone's arm, you can't make someone fall for a person. 

It may be frustrating for you guys out there, it may be irritating to some girls who believe I had choices at least-- and gentlemen at that! But believe be when I say it feeds my self-loathing when I find someone great but simply CANNOT see them as more than a friend. That if their hand cupped mine, or they leaned against me lovingly I'd get frigid, because I JUST DON'T FEEL THE SAME WAY.

I refuse to have the label "bitch" attached to my name though, just because I HONESTLY CAN'T fall for ALL the nice guys.

I only fall for the ones who don't notice me, or like me like I like them... Of course.

You know, this maddening cycle of dating (or lack thereof) continues no matter what type of single girl you are.

Indy Gems: Pho 54

Catching up with a friend led to my first Pho experience, and let me tell you...

It was PHOnomenal!! 

I HAD to do a Pho pun... It was absolutely necessary.

Anyway, we dined at Pho 54. A tiny Vietnamese restaurant/shack on the west side of town. The outside looks sketchy and faded, but the inside is clean, crisp, and open.

The two people waiting on us were an ADORABLE elderly couple. Did I mention that they were absolutely the sweetest and cutest?

No? Well they were ADORABLE. Their hospitality made the experience feel like I was eating at someone's home.

I ordered the Rare Beef Pho (Pho bo tai) and a French Iced Coffee with condensed milk (Cafe sua da).

The French Iced Coffee came out first, and OH HO HO SCREW YOU, STARBUCKS!! Sure, I drink Starbucks, but I like to support local businesses. I've heard about this coffee and I am so glad I got it. It's not too far from where I live so if nothing else I'll probably stop by to get myself some more of that iced coffee fairly frequently! $3 bucks well-spent and to a local eatery, which is absolutely fine with me.

The elderly man brought the Pho out to me, cautioning that it was very, very hot! He didn't have to worry about that... I was just stunned at how HUGE the bowl was! I'm almost certain it was as big as my head, and had the depth of a small swimming lake (no kidding, I forgot Pho came with noodles until I fished the bottom to mix my add-in into the broth).

Ah yes, the add-ins... You get a small plate piled high with bean sprouts, thai basil (stems and all), parsley, a fat lime wedge, and a few jalapeño pepper slices. Sriracha and Hoisin sauces were brought out simultaneously, as well. As you can see, the herbs and veggies was extremely fresh, and the Pho itself was superb.

Although I've never had Pho I've read that the broth makes it, and this one was very flavorful even before adding anything in it! Under the light, specs of fat glistened while the chives, onions, and beef floated gracefully among the broth.

It was seriously like glancing into a mini pond filled with lily pads and interesting foliage, except much more appetizing.

We got to the restaurant a little after 9 and even so, the staff was still cheery and conversational. When my friend attempted to order a mango smoothie, the woman explained how she hasn't bought any yet because they weren't in season. 

She went into detail about going from Asian store to Asian store, analyzing the quality the mangoes and deciding "not yet, but next month should be better."

Like I said, adorable.

I highly recommend this vietnamese place for anyone who wants to try it!

Clarity is in Doing

I had my clinic "midterm" last week, and came to a realization: after four years of studies, I no longer think my path is in speech therapy.

I've LOVED and thoroughly enjoyed everything I've learned in this major, and that's not hard to do. You can love learning, but there's only so much a textbook can do.

Experience is what really tells you the truth about yourself.

I think it's very important to live life. Explore options and get your hands dirty.

Look at what really drives you, and what you enjoy doing in your free time. See that keyword? Doing?

Actions speak louder than words, yeah?

Anyway, although exploring is a wonderful epiphany, I feel I may need a bit more guidance. A great push is this site I found a few years back called theunlost.com. It has hundreds, maybe thousands of articles written in such a casual way. They're filled with "ah-ha" moments, plenty of space to converse with the community, and one of my favorite ways to get my doses of their site in: email subscription.

I subscribed to their Mini-Kit emails a couple of years ago, but lost track and didn't really do much more than skim over each one. I now signed up under my new email address and find the helpful nuggets so refreshing.

There's no way you can lose. You can unsubscribe anytime you want, and each Mini-Kit they send comes around every few days so you're not bombarded with emails day-in and day-out.

Please give it a chance! A nice change from the dreaded emails you have to reply to on a daily basis might be nice.

 

(Trying) to Cope with Sadness

source: Tumblr

Do you ever have happy days but in the back of your mind, you're consistently anxious?

You're not being negative... You just know you're going to have an emotional relapse. You always hope the worst is over, especially on the great and mellow days... But in the back of your mind you know the dark days will be back.

And very recently, my own emotional relapse hit. As soon as I left campus today I became almost intolerable of existing.

Just like that I'm sad and scared because I don't want to feel this way; I want it to end. I doubt I'd ever off myself... But living becomes such a pain, and it's very very hard to try and find something to cheer you up.

This isn't like heartbreak. It can't be completely distracted with the aid of friends or a hobby that completely engulfs you... This is a storm that can't be stopped.

source: Tumblr

Here's how I try to cope to the best of my ability:

1. Sleep... It's one of the only surefire ways that I can be okay for a little while. Temporary escape.
2. Games... Play something minute like a flash game online or download one on your phone. They're made to be quick and fun, so to me? It won't become something to automatically depend on too heavily. Click here for one of my favorite sites for flash games. The third one on the top right with the jellyfish has my favorite calming track to just listen to).
3. Write... If you feel like you have no one, write how you feel somewhere. Keep a notebook for just these types of days. When you want to vent and share but feel there's no one there.
4. Collect quotes... Maybe writing doesn't work for you. Maybe writing actually frustrates you more because your mind is racing faster than your hand can keep up with writing. So look online for great, inspiring, quotes and just collect them. They may not even make you feel 50% better, but even a prick of light is better than nothing.
5. Breathe... Focus on your breathing. Take deep inhales through your nose, and exhale slowly through your mouth. Sit with some mellow music-- or any music that just makes you feel good most days-- and just breathe. If you're into yoga, you could do a bit of that and hold poses to let each moment sink in for you. But finding just enough space for breathing is easy. Meditate, pray, focus on the music... I feel that even if your mind wanders a little bit, you're not doing anything else that'll stress you out even more.

So how do you deal with moments (maybe even days, weeks, months...) like this?

Let me know; we'll share ways to stay strong through these trying times.

In Loving Memory

I was packing my lunch last night for class; the pantry door is right next to your cage.

It's so easy for the door to swing open and hit the wall near your cage... And last night was the first time I did something intended for you in months.

The door swung-- per usual-- and I stopped it, before it had a chance to bolt you awake.

But then it hit me that you weren't there...

A fit of denial flashed across my mind, and I had to turn the corner to make sure I wouldn't hear your feet scuttle along your sand paper-covered perch to greet my face.

I didn't hear anything. No tweets, no walking... I saw no happy head bobs. Just a bare, gray, cage.

My heart sank. I'll forever be haunted by your frantic death in my hands.

I'll always have days where you float into my life and make me feel everything from joy to sorrow, and I appreciate it all. Even the pain that this brought me.

It reminds me that you've meant the world to me, and will never leave me. Even after death.

R.I.P. Zoey: 8. 9. 2003 - 1. 4. 2014

Improve a Day Within Seconds

This morning, I watched a video on TV of a tiny Asian woman who stood near the ledge of a building.

A large group of men leaned on the railing, which was a few feet away from the edge of the platform where the woman stood.

She must've said something that triggered the group, because hands grabbed at her, and pulled her back.

What saddened me was that despite her tiny physique, you could see her foot attempting to cling to the edge so she could finish the "job."

She was fighting to die.

I've seen videos and photos of people being saved from ending their lives, and the look on their face is usually one of exhaustion and tiredness. The almost collapse in an intangible pain.

But this woman tried even harder to fight for her abrupt end.

There are little things we can do to make a difference in someone's day. Not everyone can be helped as effectively as we hope, but why not give some of these 10 tips a try:

1. Smile at strangers.
2. Compliment someone.
3. Leave a sincere Facebook message to someone you haven't talked to in a couple of months
4. Let friends know you're always there for them if they need you (and try your best to follow through).
5. Be "that friend" no one else is willing to be, to someone who is "different" and seems a bit lonely.
6. Leave post-its up in public restrooms, on cars, and/or to your waiter or waitress with a silly pickup line or compliment.
7. Offer to help someone who looks like they need it, instead of looking away embarrassingly (even if they get mad that they were spotted, feel good that you were even willing to help out).
8. Treat workers respectfully, they're working hard to serve you in retail or at your table, or anywhere in-between, really. Cut them some slack and maybe even compliment their work ethic.
9. On that note, be a good worker. Don't sweat the small things, and don't take out a bad day you're having onto someone else.
10. Catch up with someone you haven't seen in a long time. Offer to meet them for coffee or lunch, and a walk if it's nice enough outside.

Touring IU

Last weekend I was convinced to leave schoolwork alone for a bit so I could visit some friends I hadn't seen since last summer.

So with friends and overnight things in-tow, we headed down to IU.

After a Friday night of hugs, games, heart-to-hearts, music, drinks, and $75 worth of Chinese food. You can never go wrong when quality time is spent with great friends.

We finally headed to bed around 5am, and one by one we crawled from our crevices of sleep a few hours later.

Since we bonded for hours on end the night before, most of us went our separate ways that morning to do our own thing.

Daniel and I decided to let Sasha give us the grand tour of downtown Bloomington, and we both were quite stoked to explore. And it was a gorgeous and warm day, too? We were beyond ready to roam.

Pygmalions: The Cat-Toting Art Store!

Everyone in that surface area had breakfast on their minds, because lines to the better breakfast places went out the door everywhere we went. We needed pondering time to think of alternative food places to eat, so I kind of pestered Sasha and Daniel to go here first after I was told they housed cats as well as art supplies.

I was absolutely smitten seeing all the supplies bunched and crowded high and low. All the colors and smells were thrilling-- I wanted to buy everything.

I soon spied a kitty comfortably laying in a computer chair off to the side of the store. The owners named both store cats after artists. I can lovingly say this one was an absolute sweetheart! She'd head-butt my hand whenever I stopped petting her, and followed me with her body whenever I left her reach to look at art supplies. I want a cat so bad.

I believe this sleeping beauty's name was Kiki. She was curled up right behind a box full of $1 button pins, as dark as the shadow it casted.

Moon Stones Jewelry Shop

Sasha took us here next-- a dangerous, dangerous decision. I feel in love with all the pieces in there!

Gems for sale.

The stone incased throughout this star was stunning!

Turtle ring.

High-polished elephant ring. It took several tried to get a shot without a glare!

This anatomically correct heart I found ended up stealing my heart. And for only $6? It was sold.

I was very inspired at this jewelry store, so I'm sure I'll find a beautiful way to showcase this charm someday soon.

The heart that store my heart.

Look at the artery detail!

Some of the places we visited were attached to Laughing Planet-- a healthy burrito shop-- but we decided not to get food quite yet. We weren't finished with our exploration.

Look at the rays on this gorgeous day!

Next stop was a vintage thrift shop with two stories; there were clothes everywhere. We almost immediately headed to the second level, where more trendy and interesting clothes awaited us.

I spied on the platform railing near the stairs these beauts. It was love at first sight! Alas, they weren't my size. If only, if only...

I also ran across this gorgeous leather bag with a light gray lining. There were so many things I fell in love with here.

I decided to just take a picture, because I'm sure it'll last longer.

Which Wich?

We finally decided we were all hungry enough to grab a bite to eat. Everything was still pretty crowded, and Daniel and I wanted to try something we didn't have back in Indianapolis.

So we decided on Which Wich?.

The concept of this sandwich shop was unique and fun! You chose your initial bag, and each number matches up with a meat or specialty. So 1 could be chicken (then there are several ways you can order the chicken, 2 could be beef, 3 seafood, etc. etc... You get the deal.

Once you've picked a bag and a sharpie, you mark up your bag with any topping you'd like. The bag labels what costs extra, but majority additions-- from the crispy onion strings, to the candied walnuts-- are free of charge.

My concoction. It was missing honey mustard, but it was light and DELICIOUS!

Record Shop

After everyone ate, we headed the the underground CD and record store in the basement of the same place with the vintage clothing store.

The first record that caught my eye was this one. La Piscine: An Invitation by Laetitia Sadier to Keep On Swimming. I've listened to a couple of the five songs on Spotify since seeing this album, and the songs match the cover in my opinion. I'm not sure who Laetitia Sadier is, but her songs are beachy and relaxed.

Either something you'd play outside in the summertime while eating lunch, or in the early afternoon at an Urban Outfitters when their summer floor is out.

The last set of albums that caught my eye were St. Vincent's albums. I found out that the lady on the cover is the singer of the albums, and she was just so striking to me. Doe eyes get me every time.

St. Vincent is considered indie-rock, according to Spotify, but she definitely has some pop features to her songs. She kind of reminds me of Regina Spektor's forgotten little sister who wanted to stand out with a twist. And boy, are some of her songs quirky.

I thought her cover choice for this album was striking; I loved it.

I can't really say if I like either artist a whole ton, PERSONALLY. I'm not one for songs that are more mellow. I have to be in the mood for smooth songs like that. And St. Vincent, although not 100% mellow, is just not entirely striking a chord with me.

I'd still say they're worth checking out!

"The Gentleman's Shoppe"

I'm too lazy to look up the name of this place, but while walking the streets, we saw a window filled with structured leather suitcases and manly men things.

So we took a peek inside and as soon as you stepped in, the smell of leather and tobacco welcomed you. It was pleasant, the whole store was intriguing.

Carved pipes, NOT made out of ivory.

Our final stop was a small cafe filled with coffees, chocolate, and pastries. I didn't get anything, but Daniel got a Caribbean Rum macaron and Sasha ordered a hot Chai tea.

I apologize for the length of this post, but when you're a tourist you've GOT to take pictures galore, right?

I really enjoyed the much-needed break amongst friends and hope to see everyone again really soon.

Later, gators!

Off.

 

I don't think telling someone there are people worse-off than you is the best way of dealing with someone who's having an off day.

It's a delicate situation.

One that shouldn't be left alone, but oftentimes is. Usually to the point where the loneliness and misunderstanding becomes a tangible pain.

I'm at that point today. I don't feel like anyone is listening to me, and I'm having trouble finding people to talk to as it is.

All I've been is a disappointment to almost everyone today, including myself, and I hate it with an undying passion.

I can't handle today anymore. Can't handle not having an outlet.

The poison from all this negativity inside of me really is draining the life from me.

So I'm going to bed.

Sure, I have things to do. But I can't even find the energy to work on myself, let alone things with due dates.

Wide Awake.

 

My mind is wide awake with thoughts and dreams, so I decided to fuel it with cinnamon sugar and caramel. 

Welcome

Welcome, all!

I am so grateful to anyone who stops by out of curiosity and/or support, so thank you.

The point of this blog? It kind of stems from this Facebook status I made a few days ago:

  

I want to share with you guys things I find while exploring not only my own city, but: recipes, music, thoughts, and harder-hitting topics... Pretty much anything that sparks me into a typing spree.

My word is definitely not law, but I just would like to express myself and bring exposure to whatever I feel needs it-- whether it be tedious, fun, or serious.

Image of Anna Lee and Jesse, courtesy of Google Search

I've been inspired by vloggers on YouTube such as annaleeandjesse who show off the beauty of LA scenery and food in their humble, day-to-day life. I'd like to expose the great cracks and crevices of Indianapolis that I feel deserve recognition. 

Image of Claire Marshall, courtesy of Google Search

I've also loved what Claire Marshall's channel has done to inspire me. She vlogs about things she finds interesting in her life; does tags when she sees fit; and just lives her great life and shares what she loves with her viewers in her own unique, and creative way.

I adore both their styles very much, and since I lack a quality camera-- as well as a computer now-- I'm going to blog and take photos mainly from my smartphone, and produce quality posts from there. Editing whenever I can from laptops I mooch.

I'm working to make this blog the best it can be. Quality over quantity.

At this point, I've got to work with what I have. 

I'm doing this because a vibrant energy has been pulling at me to do something along these lines for months now. Blogging is no stranger to me; I've been doing it for years. But hearing SO many amazing people tell me they love my writing and/or Facebook statuses clearly tells me this is something I simply can't sit on.

So with that said, welcome to my journey toward a more permanent smile in my life. : )