(Trying) to Cope with Sadness

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Do you ever have happy days but in the back of your mind, you're consistently anxious?

You're not being negative... You just know you're going to have an emotional relapse. You always hope the worst is over, especially on the great and mellow days... But in the back of your mind you know the dark days will be back.

And very recently, my own emotional relapse hit. As soon as I left campus today I became almost intolerable of existing.

Just like that I'm sad and scared because I don't want to feel this way; I want it to end. I doubt I'd ever off myself... But living becomes such a pain, and it's very very hard to try and find something to cheer you up.

This isn't like heartbreak. It can't be completely distracted with the aid of friends or a hobby that completely engulfs you... This is a storm that can't be stopped.

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Here's how I try to cope to the best of my ability:

1. Sleep... It's one of the only surefire ways that I can be okay for a little while. Temporary escape.
2. Games... Play something minute like a flash game online or download one on your phone. They're made to be quick and fun, so to me? It won't become something to automatically depend on too heavily. Click here for one of my favorite sites for flash games. The third one on the top right with the jellyfish has my favorite calming track to just listen to).
3. Write... If you feel like you have no one, write how you feel somewhere. Keep a notebook for just these types of days. When you want to vent and share but feel there's no one there.
4. Collect quotes... Maybe writing doesn't work for you. Maybe writing actually frustrates you more because your mind is racing faster than your hand can keep up with writing. So look online for great, inspiring, quotes and just collect them. They may not even make you feel 50% better, but even a prick of light is better than nothing.
5. Breathe... Focus on your breathing. Take deep inhales through your nose, and exhale slowly through your mouth. Sit with some mellow music-- or any music that just makes you feel good most days-- and just breathe. If you're into yoga, you could do a bit of that and hold poses to let each moment sink in for you. But finding just enough space for breathing is easy. Meditate, pray, focus on the music... I feel that even if your mind wanders a little bit, you're not doing anything else that'll stress you out even more.

So how do you deal with moments (maybe even days, weeks, months...) like this?

Let me know; we'll share ways to stay strong through these trying times.

In Loving Memory

I was packing my lunch last night for class; the pantry door is right next to your cage.

It's so easy for the door to swing open and hit the wall near your cage... And last night was the first time I did something intended for you in months.

The door swung-- per usual-- and I stopped it, before it had a chance to bolt you awake.

But then it hit me that you weren't there...

A fit of denial flashed across my mind, and I had to turn the corner to make sure I wouldn't hear your feet scuttle along your sand paper-covered perch to greet my face.

I didn't hear anything. No tweets, no walking... I saw no happy head bobs. Just a bare, gray, cage.

My heart sank. I'll forever be haunted by your frantic death in my hands.

I'll always have days where you float into my life and make me feel everything from joy to sorrow, and I appreciate it all. Even the pain that this brought me.

It reminds me that you've meant the world to me, and will never leave me. Even after death.

R.I.P. Zoey: 8. 9. 2003 - 1. 4. 2014